I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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