Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize