my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
