I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
