Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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