i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
