I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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