The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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