this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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