Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I didn't notice because vodka
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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