Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
