Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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