We're like a lot better than the average bears
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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