The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
