She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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