Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
