Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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