i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
