the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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