youre lurking in front of me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
