i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
