so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize