JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
