dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
