He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
