Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
