I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
