It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
