I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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