Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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