the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
