Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
