I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
