He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
