He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
