i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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