Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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