Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
