Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
