Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
