I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
