At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
