I heard we made out
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
