It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
