she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
