Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
