I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
