booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
