Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
