Screwed.edu
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
