I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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