so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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