Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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