3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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