White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
