My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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