I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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