i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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