i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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