I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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