He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
