got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
