How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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