Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
