I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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