I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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