She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you never un-have a 4some
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
