I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
