So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
