Kiss
Puke
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
