I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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