I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
