apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
