I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
