No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
