Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
