I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
