sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
