my room smells like sperm. sweet.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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