Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
