I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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