Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
