Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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