She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
